Customer is not king

Almost everyone who knows about the word customer, would have heard about this: 'Customer is king'.

This must surely rate as one of the most absurd beliefs of all time.

Some more absurd beliefs are:

1) Evolution is a myth
2) There is no global warming
3) One can eat a hearty meal in Mumbai for Rs 12.
4) One can eat a hearty meal in Delhi for Rs 5
5) One can eat a hearty meal in Srinagar for Rs 1
6) Pedophilia is not a criminal condition, it is a mental illness

Since I am a salesman, I feel this way whenever anyone passionately espouses that customer is king:



(Source: www.memegenerator.net)

I feel it is wrong because of the following reasons:

1) A king will negotiate. But not haggle: Noticed a customer haggling over a few Rupees or Dollars? Treats your product/service as a commodity. Such a customer would refuse to take ROI (Return on Investment) into account. A customer who views the larger picture and does not insist on 'right-pricing' every six months or year is your king.

2) A king will be fair: If your customer admits that his team has been at fault as well, then this customer is a king. Otherwise expect to be badgered about the 'non-user-friendliness' of your software even if the customer's team member thinks 'out of the box' like him:


(Source: http://www.cartoonstock.com/newscartoons/cartoonists/mfl/lowres/mfln6394l.jpg)

3) A king will know what he wants:  Have you heard your customer say 'I am not getting the expected results. Therefore I plan to discontinue your service'. You might be exasperated as you had offered the best possible service. In such a case, the customer doesn't really know what he wants. So better to let him figure it out. You can wait till the customer has this moment:


(Source: http://chakracenter.org/2013/03/07/ever-onward-the-divine-ridiculous/)

So treat those customers who are kings as kings. The others can be treated like the Common Man.

Calling up a prospect?

I am a sales man.

Whenever I call my prospects (who has been already warmed up) or customers, I introduce myself, greet them and ask whether is it a good time to speak with them?

I picked this trait up while interning and have observed my colleagues picking this up from me.

So this is how my prospects and customers perceive me:

And therefore it is hard for them to say no :)

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I am also a customer.

Whenever someone calls me to sell, the following happens:

1) The caller introduces her name and company (which is fine) but does not ask whether I am free to speak to her (which is rude).

2) Almost all callers address me as Mr Srinivas (which, incidentally, is my father's name). I hate this as companies today spend millions of dollars into customer insights ( a fancy term to understand more about the customer), but cannot state my name properly. They could just address me as Sham. But I believe they will waste some more share holder money and take another half a decade to get this right.

3) They immediately begin to parrot the not so well rehearsed sales pitch which can even put Karan Pandava off! (I am referring to Karan from Mahabharat who would always give whatever anyone would ask from him after his daily morning prayers to the Sun God. So the pun is that if it can annoy a great giver like Karan it can certainly annoy a Mr McScrooge such as myself! :P )

4) Unlike several others I listen patiently, thank the person for calling and state that I am not interested. They take my word and immediately disconnect. They don't even wish me a good day! :(

I perceive the caller like this:

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Companies could offer training on the following aspects:

1) Good Manners: Ask the receiver whether it is a good time to speak.

2) Ask Questions: Ask whether the receiver requires a product. If not, then whether the receiver is happy with the incumbent product. 

3) Generate a Bait/USP/Any other pioneering term your marketing man can come up with!:  Use some of the insights churned out by their market research team to generate an attractive number. This would be a number backed by facts. Let us consider the concept of term insurance. Term insurance is cheaper and offers substantially higher coverage than traditional money back plans. If you invest the rest of the money that you ended up saving, because you bought a term insurance plan, in a recurring deposit (not even fancy mutual funds) you might end up generating wealth worth Rs 10 lakhs in 7 years. I figured this using Excel and therefore bought a term plan. I am sure  MNC behemoths that are employed with brainy suited up corporate types even know the accurate figure. For some reason they don't share this with the agent who makes calls.

4) Some more good manners!: Thank the receiver for her time and wish her a nice day.

If they manage to do that, they might be perceived by the prospects as the pretty blonde lady in the picture below is perceived by men.



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End of Telegram

How does a society evolve? Either by killing its redundant aspects or changing them. However in India the former seems easier than the latter. We like to kill those who revolt against barriers of caste, rebel  to affirm their choices or decides to be a woman even before taking birth. So what chance does a money losing entity have? Especially in Mumbai!

For 163 years the telegram remained a source of tremendous joy as well as a fore bearer of deep despair. Promotions, birth of a baby, death of a relative and forceful self invitations were communicated through telegrams. It was also the only medium of communication that could be admitted in court as evidence.

Although the BSNL claimed that this service was a loss making entity as digital channels of communications have become popular, the critics of this decision point out to numbers.Almost 300 million Indians still lack cell phones as per government data. Compare this number to the entire population of the US which is 313 million! In non urban areas, telegrams also work as an effective payment recovery mechanism.

I decided to send a couple of telegrams on 14th July 2013 as the government had decided to discontinue sending telegrams from the next day onwards. Here are some images:

 (You might think this isn't much of a crowd, but if you get to speak with any of the employees they would say it was the most they had seen in their entire career at the Telegraph Office!)

 (Some of the employees who were protesting the closure of the telegram service)

(A board that opposed the decision taken to close down the telegram service and also a couple of posters about what action the employee union intends to take to oppose this decision. Sources claim this decision might be reviewed after six months) 

Countries like Italy and the UK are offering online telegram services. I wonder why did this not happen in India as they seem to be selling everything else (from lingerie to counselling) online. Or they could have increased the rates as they did in 2011.

Sources:

The Internet didn't get the message, the telegram is not dead: http://motherboard.vice.com/blog/the-internet-didnt-get-the-message-the-telegrams-not-dead

Telegram flies to sunset: Taar brings bad news as usual http://www.dnaindia.com/mumbai/1847743/report-telegram-flies-into-sunset-taar-brings-bad-news-as-usual

Hunted lovers mourn end of telegraph http://blogs.wsj.com/indiarealtime/2013/07/15/lovers-mourn-end-of-the-telegraph/

Forget Dodo, its dead as a telegram http://www.dnaindia.com/mumbai/1861187/report-forget-dodo-it-s-dead-as-a-telegram